About a week ago, Lauren, our friends Ryan and Mallory, and I went to the new Shake Shack location in River North, Chicago. It was pretty packed, which I think is pretty much par for the course for Shake Shack on a weekend night. This is coming from a Shake Shack Veteran. And by “veteran,” I mean person that’s been to Shake Shack twice, once at the original Madison Square Park location in New York in 2009, and once at the new Washington D.C. location last year. I knew it would be pretty busy, so I told Lauren we should get there for an early-ish dinner, around 6 or 6:30.
We get there, and the line for ordering food isn’t too long (i.e. spilling outside of the restaurant), so things are looking good. We read the chalkboard menu and decide what to get while waiting in line, slowly inching forward toward the cashier. I decide on the “Shack Stack” — a beef patty hamburger with a mushroom on top — and a root beer.
We put in our orders, and like I mentioned earlier, the place is packed. Lots of people are waiting for tables to open up, and very few people are finishing up their meals and leaving. Ryan and I wait, pagers in hand, closer the counter to pick up everyone’s orders, while Lauren and Mal go off to stake out an area in the back to try to vulture a table from a group that’s done with their meal. Ryan’s pager goes off first, and Lauren and Mal are still looking for a table. Eventually, mine goes off too. I walk over with my order and everyone is visibly distraught. “What happened?” I ask.
Lauren and Mal had started a line to wait for tables on a platform in the back area, up a few stairs, and saw a few tables nearly ripe for the taking. Just as one 2-person table was opening up, an older man, in his 50’s — an “ass-hat,” as Ryan dubbed him — threw his jacket over the railing to lay claim to it. It was pretty obvious people were waiting for the table up on the platform. The ass-hat just threw his stuff on there and took the table. So, Lauren and Mal shrugged it off and waited for a 4-person table to open. The ass-hat, sitting alone, noticed a larger, 4-person table behind him with a young couple done with their meal, just chatting. “Do you mind if we switch tables, because you’re just sitting there talking?” the ass-hat asked them. “Yes, we do mind,” the couple retorted back. Stink eyes were exchanged. So the ass-hat just sat there indignantly.
Shake Shack: An Urban Restaurant Battlefield
Eventually the mind-ful couple left, and the ass-hat moved over to the 4 person table. What the hell. Lauren and Mal were pissed. With the rage of 10 thousand suns behind her, Lauren walked up to the table and talked to the ass-hat. “We’ve been waiting a long time in line for that table.” [Lauren points to the line.] “…and we have four people in our group and you’re just sitting alone. Can we have this table and you take that 2-person table?”
“My partner and I been waiting a long time too,” the ass-hat replied. “You can have this 2-person table.”
Then Lauren murdered him. Just kidding. But I think that if her evil/stink eye had laser vision-esque super powers, I’m 100% sure that old man would be burnt to a crispy, even char. “You are being extremely rude,” she chastised him. [I wish she had dropped the Cosby bomb on him. “You are so rude, in fact, that’s how you got your name. Rude-e.”]
So, Lauren let the couple behind us (in line waiting for a table) take the two-person table because it wouldn’t fit our group. The ass-hat’s partner came over with their food and they sat together at the 4-person table, eating their food like evil, ass-hat villains.
Meanwhile, on top of this ass-hat debacle, a booth opened up in the same area and two children sprinted to the newly opened table just as Mal was walking over to take it. She stared into their souls with a nuclear rage, the kids didn’t budge, and their parents arrived with their food and thought nothing of it. So basically, everyone is rude, and nobody has any decency or respect for others. What ever happened to politeness in public? Is the dining area of Shake Shake like war now?
At this point I’m walking over with my and Lauren’s food and everyone is pissed off. Lauren brings me up to speed on the situation, I fire off one million mean looks at the ass-hat and his partner, and a table opens up. It’s the table behind the ass-hat, and there’s only 3 seats (a bench and one chair). Being new to this situation, I walk over and tell the ass-hat’s partner that we need to switch our chair with the bench he’s sitting on so that our table can seat all four of us. We switch and all is well, we’ve got our table and can finally enjoy our food.
Well, needless to say, the four of us spent the whole dinner giving evil glances at all those who wronged us and talking loudly about how everyone is awful. Oh, and my mushroom burger was delicious.
